


heaven isn't too far away

by reddieforlove



Series: phone sex hotline au [1]
Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Explicit Sexual Content, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Language, M/M, Sexual Repression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-03-11 18:51:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13530432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reddieforlove/pseuds/reddieforlove
Summary: Eddie has a problem. To fix it, he goes to extreme measures and calls a phone sex hotline. Little does he know that the person who he matches up with will change everything.





	heaven isn't too far away

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS A MONSTER OF A FIC
> 
> I've been teasing on my tumblr for about 24 hours, during which I've written however many words this is. My wrists hurt. My fingers are numb. I cried when I finished it. I might actually be dead. It's pretty personal for me as far as subject matter and what Eddie's going through. It was just supposed to be a pwp. I don't know what the fuck happened but I'm pretty sure I shaved five years off my life writing this.
> 
> Title: heaven isn't too far away - warrant

Eddie had no idea what he was doing. It was a horrible idea. He knew that. But he wanted to force himself out of his comfort zone. He wanted to do _something._ He was tired of being held back by his fear. This was a drastic measure, to be sure, but he was feeling pretty extreme these days.

See, Eddie had a problem and very little idea of how to solve it.

As much as he wished he could seek advice from his friends, Eddie just couldn’t imagine bringing this up around Bill, Ben, or Mike. They were his best friends and he’d die for them but there were just certain things that he wouldn’t, maybe even _couldn’t_ , discuss with them. Because really, how do you bring up the fact that your repressed childhood and overbearing mother left you with a possibly permanent fear of your own sexuality?

Eddie knew that he was gay. That wasn’t the issue. It was expressing himself in any sexual way that made his stomach churn, his hands shake, and his lungs grow tight. He’d masturbated a few times. They were profoundly uncomfortable experiences, even when he managed to come, because in the back of his mind a little persistent voice kept telling him that he was dirty for doing it.

He tried watching porn, hoping that it may get him out of his head if he saw the act playing out in front of him. But no matter what type of porn he watched, Eddie always experienced vague distress and intimidation. He felt like someone was watching him, like he’d be caught any second and shamed for who he was and for his filthy thoughts. Even if he didn’t have that fear, the obviously scripted scenarios and manufactured moans still did little for him.

So he had a problem.

Because even with all of his trepidation, there was a part of him that craved intimacy. Eddie wanted to know what it was like to simply kiss or hold someone without feeling a creeping anxiety attack coming on. He wanted to know pleasure. But he was holding himself back and he had no idea how to fix it. Eddie felt trapped by his own guilt and fear and he was tired of it. That was how he found himself here, holding his phone in one shaking hand and the number to a phone sex hotline in the other.

It was a local Manhattan number and a cursory search on Google told him that it was a legitimate business with good reviews. Eddie didn’t read the reviews. He didn’t want to risk seeing something that would scare himself off. The four and a half stars from over three-hundred reviews was enough to convince him that it wasn’t a scam. The website boasted a variety of operators, male and female, LGBT+ friendly, and a guaranteed personalized experience.

Eddie wasn’t exactly sure what personalized meant and part of him was terrified to find out. But he wanted to push himself. Even if it ended horribly, he wanted to try. He wanted to step outside of his comfort zone. Then at least he would know. So Eddie dialed and, after taking several deep breaths and a puff from his inhaler just in case, he pressed the green button.

“Hi,” a female operator’s voice came over the line. “Welcome to-”

He tore the phone away from his ear, pressing end on the call before he could really think through what he was doing. Then he dropped the phone to the bed so quick that it may as well have burned him, standing up to pace the small bedroom of the apartment he shared with Bill. Several minutes passed as he tried to talk himself out of the panic rising in his chest, running a hand through his hair and breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth.

Then Eddie sat back down and picked his phone up. He was many things but rarely ever a quitter. It was mostly out of sheer rage and stubbornness that he managed to get a lot of things done. Eddie redialed the number, forcing himself to listen to it ring. The operator answered again and he had to desperately hope that they didn’t pay much attention to caller ID.

“Hi,” they said again, sounding just as distantly polite as before.

They began a rehearsed speech, giving Eddie a list of guidelines before asking for his credit card information. Then...

“What kind of experience would you like today?” she asked.

Eddie blanked, staring at his wall with wide eyes.

“What?”

She repeated the question without sounding annoyed.

“I… don’t know,” Eddie admitted.

“That’s alright, sir. How about you tell me whether you’d like a male or a female?” she suggested.

“Male,” Eddie said decidedly.

“Perfect. Do you have any fetishes that you know of?”

He choked on his own spit and almost hung up again but by sheer force of will, he stayed on the line.

“No,” he said, his voice strangled.

It was only the reminder that this poor lady must have talked to hundreds of creeps a day that kept him from completely dying of embarrassment right where he sat. Eddie was probably at the bottom of her list of memorable callers.

“Have you ever called into a hotline before?” she asked, almost sounding amused.

“No,” he said again, cringing at himself.

“Good,” she said, taking him by surprise. “I have the perfect person for a beginner like yourself. He’ll make sure you have a great time.”

Eddie bit down on his lower lip at the insinuation in her words, trying very hard not to hear the voice rising in the back of his head. _Dirty,_ it hissed at him. _Disgusting. Wrong. Vile. Sick._

“Thank you,” he managed to say, squeezing his eyes shut.

“You’re welcome, sir. I’m connecting you now.”

She clicked away and suddenly there was soft, almost sultry music coming over the line. It wasn’t cheesy like he might have expected but rather nice instead. It even managed to soothe his nerves a little bit in the almost thirty seconds that it played. Then it ended and the line clicked over again and his heart was back in his throat.

“Hello?”

The voice that answered was low with a hint of huskiness to it that sounded nice. But the greeting was the last thing that Eddie expected. He feared that whoever was on the other end might dive right in but the simple ‘hello’ caught him off guard and he wasn’t entirely sure what to say.

“Hi,” he said quietly. “How are you?”

Eddie winced as soon as the words slipped out, wanting to burrow beneath the thick covers on his bed when he heard a soft laugh from the other end.

“Doing pretty good, cutie. How are you?”

He didn’t sound judgmental or teasing, simply speaking casually as if they were two strangers who happened to meet instead of one guy calling the other on a phone sex line.

“I’m fine,” Eddie answered, at a loss of what else to say.

“You’re a newbie, huh?”

Eddie was almost thankful that he couldn’t be seen if just for the warm flush filling his cheeks.

“Yeah, I am,” he admitted, running his palm nervously over his jean-clad thigh.

In a moment of panic, he wondered if he was supposed to be wearing less? Was he supposed to strip down to his boxers? Or was he supposed to be completely naked? Eddie hadn’t thought this far ahead. He was brought out of his panicked scramble of thoughts by the other man’s voice again.

“Why don’t you start by telling me a little about yourself,” he suggested.

Eddie didn’t say anything, trying to figure out what he wanted to hear.

“Like what?” he said, hating how his voice shook nervously.

“Whatever you want. This is all about you.”

He considered it, casting his eyes around his room as he searched for something to say. The guy on the other end seemed to sense that he was at a loss of how to respond.

“What’s your name?”

“Eddie.”

That was easy enough.

“Eddie,” the man repeated, almost breathing it out. “What do you look like, Eddie?”

Though he didn’t know for sure what was expected of him, Eddie gave a simple description of himself. Brown hair that curled naturally, brown eyes, skin that tanned easily, freckles smattered across his nose and cheeks… short stature. He felt somewhat embarrassed, admitting the last one. But the guy on the other end just hummed.

“What do you do?”

This definitely wasn’t anything that Eddie expected. Not only was the man’s voice putting him at ease, somehow, but he didn’t expect casual small talk to make an appearance in this conversation.

“I’m a college student,” he said, picking at a loose thread on his blanket. “And I work at a bookstore.”

“Hmm, I bet you wear sweaters, huh?”

Eddie frowned a little.

“What?”

“Just forming a picture in my head. You sound like the most adorable fucking human I’ve ever heard of so the sweater thing just fits. I’m right, aren’t I?”

Ignoring the adorable remark, Eddie glanced down at the off-white sweater he was wearing now while trying to figure out how he was supposed to feel about the direction of the conversation.

“How did you know?” he said.

It was a stupid question. Eddie knew it as soon as he asked. The guy’s job was to make people feel good. Of course he had experience in figuring them out just by talking. How else would he get it done?

“I’m just that good,” the guy said and Eddie could almost hear a wink in his voice.

“What about you?” Eddie asked.

He felt odd, being the only one describing himself.

“I can be whoever ya want me to be, ol chap.”

As utterly ridiculous and cheesy as it sounded, especially with the fake British accent, the answer made sense at the same time. The guy had to make himself into the fantasy of every single caller. Eddie assumed that this was where he explained his type. Tall, dark, and handsome or something along those lines. But he didn’t have an answer.

“I-” he cut off, trying to think of something to say. “I’m sorry.”

“What for, cutie?” his voice was back to normal.

Eddie bit back the temptation to sharply request that he not call him that. He knew it was probably just his own stress, but was making him feel worse.

“I shouldn’t have done this. I-I don’t know what I was thinking,” he said, shaking his head.

The other guy must have sensed that he was about to hang up because he spoke quickly.

“Hey, hey wait,” he said, keeping Eddie on the line. “We’ve only been talking for a couple minutes and you have to pay for a minimum of six.”

“I’m okay with that,” Eddie said, knowing he’d rather waste the money than try to continue a conversation that he should have never started in the first place.

“Gimme a little more time, Eds.”

The nickname drew him up short and Eddie froze with the phone a few inches away from his ear. He didn’t hang up.

“What can it hurt?” the guy asked, possibly sensing his hesitation.

Eddie swallowed hard, his eyes darting around the room. He knew, on a basic level, that the guy was probably trying to keep him on the line for longer because it meant getting paid more. Eddie didn’t have much of a problem with that. Everyone had to earn money somehow.

“Don’t call me Eds,” he finally said, his voice sounding weak to his ears.

A quiet, somewhat relieved laugh came from the speaker as he pressed the phone back to his ear.

“Whatever you want.”

Eddie took a deep breath.

“I’m not good at this,” he admitted, his heart picking up pace in his chest. “I don’t know to-to do it. I know that you’re supposed to let me fill in the blanks but I have no idea what I want or what I like.”

The words poured out and, much to Eddie’s surprise, it was hard to stop once he got started.

“Okay,” the guy said slowly, sounding more like he was trying to figure Eddie out than like he was freaked out by his words. “Well, have you ever-”

“No,” Eddie cut him off, shaking his head. “Whatever you’re about to ask, I can tell you right now that the answer is gonna be no. I haven’t done anything.”

“That’s okay, there’s nothing wrong with that,” he said.

Eddie tried to find a lie in his words but he sounded nothing but genuine. They had to be good actors, he supposed.

“What can I do to make this easier on you?” the guy asked.

His mind went blank once more and he huffed out a frustrated sigh, tilting his head back to the ceiling.

“I don’t know,” Eddie mumbled, shrugging even though he couldn’t be seen. “I guess I want to be able to call you something.”

“Makes sense. How about you choose something that starts with R?”

“R? Why R?”

“I have my reasons.”

Eddie thought it through, trying to figure out a good name that started with R.

“Roger? Russell? Ray?” the operator suggested, throwing out some names. “Roy? Rob? Randy?”

Eddie snorted aloud at the last one, covering his mouth quickly to cover his laugh.

“Sorry,” he said, his voice muffled.

“It’s alright,” the other guy said, sounding pretty amused himself. “What about Rick or Reginald? Randolph? Raphael?”

Eddie couldn’t contain his laughter, letting his hand drop.

“You’re just getting more and more ridiculous,” he said.

“Well if it makes you laugh like that, cutie, I’ll say pretty much anything. How about Rocky?”

That pulled an image of Sylvester Stallone to the forefront of Eddie’s mind.

“No,” he said, shaking his head.

“Rudyard?”

“Seriously?”

“Roscoe?”

“What the fuck?”

Eddie was laughing again but he wasn’t the only one. It was strangely nice and whatever tension he felt slowly faded away.

“Tough audience,” the other man said once their laughter died. “What about Richie?”

“Richie,” Eddie repeated, his cheeks aching from smiling. “I don’t hate that one.”

It somehow fit the voice. He didn’t really know how to explain it.

“Richie it is,” the operator said and it sounded like he was still smiling. “Now how about you tell me what you don’t like?”

That was a completely different question. Eddie somehow felt like it was easier to answer.

“I don’t think that I like anything over the top,” he said, thinking back to the porn he’d watched. “I don’t want it to feel unrealistic, I guess.”

“You want it to feel natural,” Richie supplied.

Eddie nodded quickly before remembering that he couldn’t be seen.

“That’s a good word for it,” he said, feeling somewhat afraid that this was where they got into it. “But I, um, I don’t think I can… right now.”

“Shh, it’s okay Eddie. We’re just talking,” Richie assured him.

He relaxed again, nodding his head.

“So tell me what you’re studying.”

Eddie hesitated for a moment before slowly sinking back onto the pillows behind him.

“Pre-med with a minor in English lit,” he said.

And just like that, they were talking. Eddie told him about his schooling and work, as well as the little town in Maine where he grew up with Bill, Mike, and Ben. He thought at some point that Richie would interrupt him or grow tired of it but he never did. He asked a few leading questions but other than that, he just listened. Eddie couldn’t have been more relaxed if he tried and it was only when he found himself laughing at something Richie said that he realized that the original girl knew what she was doing when she paired them up. Then he remembered that he was paying for every minute that they talked and even though he had a good job, it didn’t pay him _that_ well.

“You got quiet, cutie.”

Eddie didn’t hate the nickname so much now. He bit down on his lower lip hesitantly.

“Should we…” he trailed off.

Richie didn’t answer right away.

“Do you want to?” he asked after a few moments.

Eddie had to think about it. As comfortable as he felt right now, he wasn’t sure he was quite ready to do anything.

“No,” he admitted, hanging his head. “Not because of you but I’m just… I’m not ready. Is that stupid?”

Richie laughed on the other end.

“Nah, it’s not stupid at all, Eds. Like l said, this is all about you and what you want.”

Richie paused and Eddie waited to hear what else he would say.

“You think you’ll call in again?” he asked.

Eddie’s heart lifted a little at the thought.

“Maybe,” he said, straightening up.

He didn’t say it but Eddie was afraid to call in and get someone who wasn’t Richie. He wasn’t sure anyone would understand or talk to him like this.

“Well if you decide to, give Tracy my extension, 629. If I’m busy, she’ll have me call you back. I’m available around this time every weekday.”

Eddie felt relieved, committing the three digits to memory.

“629,” he repeated.

“You got it, babe.”

Eddie let a smile tug at his lips.

“Thanks Richie,” he said.

“Anytime my good fellow,” Richie answered in the British accent again.

With a roll of his eyes, Eddie dropped his phone to his lap and pressed end on the call. Even though he didn’t achieve exactly what he wanted, he felt lighter, like something had changed. It was a good feeling.

* * *

Six full days passed before Eddie found the time and worked up the nerve to call again. He had talked himself in and out of it several times, wondering just how odd it made him to call into a phone sex hotline just to talk. But then again, he wasn’t sure they were only going to talk this time. The same woman, Tracy apparently, answered when he dialed, going through the same list of rules.

“What kind of experience would you like today?”

“Um, I actually want extension 629, if that’s okay?” he asked.

“Let me check,” she said, pausing for a few moments. “It’s your lucky day. He’s available.”

Eddie sighed with relief as she transferred him over, crossing his legs beneath him where he sat on his bed. He felt a little more relaxed in a pair of old red shorts and a loose faded t-shirt. It was all part of his determination to push himself even more than he did last time. The music didn’t play for as long this time.

“Hello, hello, hello.”

Eddie’s face broke into a smile at Richie’s greeting.

“Hi Richie,” he said.

“Well would you look who it is, Eddie Spaghetti himself.”

Eddie’s eyebrows rose of their own accord.

“I’m sorry, what did you just call me?”

“You heard me,” Richie said, sounding like he was grinning.

“Where did you even come up with that?” Eddie asked.

“It rolls off the tongue, babe,” he said.

Eddie scoffed, shaking his head.

“Absolutely no one else in the world would come up with that,” he said.

“Well that just goes to show that I’m one of a kind,” Richie said, sounding pretty satisfied by that.

“Because this dimension would collapse if there were more?” Eddie asked.

“Yowza! Who knew you had some spice in you, cutie?”

Eddie couldn’t help but smile again.

“Everyone has layers,” he shrugged.

Richie let out a laugh.

“So how are you on this fine day?” he asked.

Eddie casted a doubtful look towards his window, where he could see the rain coming down in heavy drops.

“Fine?” Eddie repeated.

“Any day with a call from you is a fine one, no matter how shitty the weather is,” Richie told him.

Eddie’s cheeks warmed as he ducked his head shyly even though no one was even looking at him. Richie was definitely a flirt. But he was also good at what he did.

“Tell me about your day,” he suggested.

Eddie knew that it was supposed to be something easy to talk about that would relax him. He didn’t bother telling Richie that he already felt quite comfortable as he launched into what happened in his classes and how his lunch with Mike was, and then _who_ Mike was which led him to talk about Bill and Ben too. Richie mostly listened again, throwing in a few comments and innuendos here and there that had Eddie either laughing or rolling his eyes. When he came to a stopping point, Eddie found himself wanting to know more about Richie. He was curious. But he didn’t know if he was allowed to ask.

“Can I ask you a question? I mean, is that allowed?” he said.

“You can do anything you want,” Richie told him.

“Why this? What made you choose to do it?” Eddie asked, hoping that he didn’t sound judgmental.

There was silence on the other end for a few moments and he just knew that he’d fucked it all up.

“You’re a pretty blunt guy, aren’t you?” Richie said, sounding pretty unbothered before talking again without waiting for Eddie’s answer. “I do it because I’m really fucking good at it, I guess. And there aren’t a lot of jobs where I can earn money from the comfort of my own couch.”

Eddie wished that he knew that Richie looked like so he could form an image of him in his head.

“Do you do anything else?” he asked.

“Well now that is such a good question, dahling,” Richie said in an overdramatic, breathy southern belle accent. “I may just have a flair for the dramatics.”

“You don’t say,” Eddie said dryly.

“I’m in drama school,” he said, sounding pretty happy with himself. “Perfect, huh?”

“Couldn’t think of anything better.”

Richie laughed and Eddie couldn’t help but join in.

“Damn you’re cute,” Richie said with a sigh when his laughter faded. “Okay if I ask you a question now?”

Eddie sobered up a little, feeling like he already knew what Richie was going to ask.

“Yeah, go ahead,” he said.

“Why’d you call in?” Richie asked.

Eddie swallowed hard. Even though he could tell that Richie was asking out of curiosity, just like him, he wasn’t sure that he wanted to answer the question. It was hard to put into words without sounding pathetic, at least to him.

“I wanted to push myself,” he admitted, feeling nervous now where he hadn’t been before. “I’m tired of… of being scared. I want to fix myself and I thought maybe just talking to someone would be easier than trying to do anything face to face.”

“That makes sense,” Richie said, though there was something off about his voice. “But you’re not broken if you don’t want to do this kinda stuff, you know that right? It’s okay not to want it.”

“I do want it,” Eddie said, feeling like he wasn’t explaining himself right.

Part of him hesitated to talk about it. All Eddie planned to get out of calling the hotline was a way to overcome his fear. Now he was actually considering spilling a part of himself that he’d kept secret for a long time to a person who was basically a complete stranger. But another part of Eddie felt like it was okay. Richie had been completely understanding so far and there was something nice about talking to someone who was mostly a stranger. It gave it all a therapeutic sort of feel.

“I grew up thinking that wanting to do or feel any of that was bad. Someone important in my life always said that only dirty boys had those kinds of thoughts and urges,” he finally said, the words falling heavily from his lips. “I feel like every day that I spend trying to avoid anything to do with sex or even my own body just makes it worse and harder to move past it. I don’t want to keep feeling like I’m dirty for wanting to experience something good. That’s why I called in. I want to try.”

Richie didn’t say anything for a long few moments that left Eddie squirming just a little bit.

“I have an idea.”

Eddie felt a curious mix of anticipation and apprehension at Richie’s words.

“Okay?” he said, his voice giving away his nerves.

“Just go with it for now but tell me if you want to stop at any time, alright?” Richie said.

“Yeah,” Eddie agreed.

Richie took a deep breath before speaking. Somehow his voice was a little deeper than before and somewhat slower, taking on a slightly breathy tone.

“Make yourself comfortable, Eds.”

Eddie’s heart picked up pace in his chest as he glanced around quickly before slowly lowering himself in a half-reclined position on his pillows, his legs stretching out as he held his body just a little bit stiffly. It was really hard, doing this. He felt like he was exposed even though he was completely alone in his room.

“Close your eyes for me,” Richie said, his voice gentle enough that Eddie knew he could refuse if he wanted.

But he let it happen, closing his eyes slowly as he kept the phone cradled to his ear. Richie must have heard his fast-paced breathing because he hushed him quietly over the speaker.

“Relax, baby,” he urged him, his voice sounding soothing. “We’re taking it slow, I promise.”

Eddie nodded even though he knew that Richie couldn’t see him. He didn’t trust his voice right now.

“Now keep your eyes closed and just breathe. In and out. Slow as you can.”

It was hard to follow the instructions at first but after a few minutes, Eddie’s breathing was back to normal and he felt some of his tension ebb away. Richie was patient, talking him through it calmly.

“Good,” Richie praised and something about the slight change in his voice caused a low tug in his belly that made Eddie gasp a little. “Now I want you to let your imagination take over, yeah? That’s what all this is about. Imagine me sitting on the edge of your bed. Not touching you. Just sitting and watching you.”

“I don’t know what you look like,” Eddie protested.

A low chuckle reached his ears.

“Dark hair, dark eyes, kinda like you,” he said, his voice not changing from its calming tone. “Tall, pale skin, freckles too.”

It wasn’t a complete picture but it was enough to give Eddie something to start with.

“Now I’m sitting at the edge of your bed and I’m not touching you. Just watching your chest rise and fall slowly. In and out.”

Eddie copied his words, breathing in and out slowly.

“Now I move a little closer but you stay where you are. Your eyes are closed so you don’t know where I am. But you know I’m not gonna do anything you don’t want me to do. It can stop at any time,” Richie reminded him.

He didn’t know how much he needed it but gratitude filled Eddie’s chest as he found himself relaxing even more into his pillows.

“Then you feel it. I’m touching your cheek with the tips of my fingers, just light enough that you barely feel it at all. You think you might be imagining it at first but it’s there. I’m stroking your cheek very softly. It’s a relaxing touch,” Richie said.

He was so good with his words that Eddie could almost feel it happening. It wasn’t bad. His heart didn’t pick up pace at the thought of it. He knew that it would feel nice it if was real.

“Can you feel it?” Richie asked.

“Yeah,” Eddie said.

“Good,” he said, sounding happy with that. “You know what I bet? I bet you’d blush so pretty when I touch you.”

As if his words called it forth, a flush began warming his face.

“You’re blushing right now, aren’t you baby?” Richie said.

“Yes,” Eddie nodded, keeping his eyes closed.

“Perfect,” he said, his voice still low and thrilling. “Now you feel my fingers on your jaw. Just stroking it. Not touching anywhere else. Just that one spot.”

Eddie almost found himself tilting his head to the side as he imagined it.

“Then my thumb brushes your lower lip. Not for long. Just one simple touch,” Richie said and Eddie’s lips parted at the mere thought of it. “I bet you’ve got such pretty lips, Eds. So pink and kissable. It’d be fucking impossible not to kiss you, huh?”

He didn’t answer, knowing that it wasn’t a question that needed a response.

“You want me to kiss you?”

“Yes,” Eddie breathed out before he could really think it through.

“Good,” Richie said, his voice approving. “I wanna kiss you too. I lean in and just barely touch my lips to yours. It’s just enough to let them brush once, then twice. We don’t need to move too fast. We have all the time in the world. I let the third kiss linger for a while, stroking my thumb over your jaw while I press just a little bit closer and kiss you just a little harder. You like that?”

“Mm-hm,” Eddie murmured.

Richie hummed, satisfied with his response.

“I wanna make you feel good, baby boy. Anything you want, I’m gonna give it to you. It’s all about you.”

Eddie felt different than he’d ever felt. Richie’s quiet words caused a simmering fire to spread just beneath his skin and he wanted more. He wanted to hear more. He wanted to imagine more. It was the first time he’d ever felt quite like this. There was no voice at the back of his head hissing horrible things. There was just Richie and Eddie and…

“Open your eyes.”

Eddie’s eyes sprung open at Richie’s words and his breath left his mouth in a sharp exhale as he felt torn from the moment. It wasn’t what he wanted. He felt almost frustrated that Richie had taken him out of it. He didn’t realize that he was breathing heavily until Richie spoke again.

“How you doing, Eddie?” he asked, his voice almost back to normal.

It took a few deep breaths and a long few moments of blinking the haze from his mind for him to answer.

“I don’t know how to describe it,” Eddie admitted.

“Is it bad?” Richie asked.

“No,” he was quick to say.

A sigh of relief came from the other end.

“Good, that’s good,” Richie said and Eddie could almost imagine him nodding his head. “I think that’s all we should do today.”

Eddie wanted to protest. There was more that they could do. He heard the promise in Richie’s words. But then his logical side finally decided to make an appearance and he knew that Richie was taking it slow on purpose. In reality, this was the perfect place to end, even if it left Eddie feeling a little interrupted.

“I wanted more,” he confessed, feeling surprisingly okay with that. “I think I could have listened to you forever. I wanted to know what you could do.”

It must have been mild compared to some of the things that Richie had heard in this line of work but he still sounded vaguely surprised and pleased when he answered in true Richie fashion.

“Well if I didn’t know any better, Spaghetti Man, I’d think you were trying to seduce me.”

Eddie couldn’t help but let out a laugh and it was the perfect timing for it. He felt the frustration bleed away as he sat up from the pillows.

“It’s pretty perfect, you know,” he said.

“What’s that? My amazing nicknames?” Richie asked.

“Your nicknames are terrible,” Eddie said, shaking his head and rolling his eyes. “The name you suggested. Richie. It fits you pretty perfectly. I like it.”

“Well, I’d probably be pretty fucking offended if you didn’t.”

That made Eddie frown a little in confusion.

“What?” he said.

“That’s my name, Eds.”

It took almost a full minute for him to realize what Richie was trying to tell him.

“Your real name?” he said, his eyes widening in surprise as he stiffened a little.

“Yeah,” Richie said, almost sounding embarrassed.

It was hard to wrap his mind around that.

“But… but the rules say I’m not allowed to ask for any personal information about you. That includes your name,” Eddie said, his eyes darting around his room.

“Well then it’s a good thing that you didn’t ask and I gave it to you of my own free will,” Richie said as if it was completely normal.

“I don’t understand,” Eddie said.

Richie didn’t say anything for a long few moments.

“It just felt right,” he said, his voice a little less teasing. “You’re different from anyone I’ve talked to on this thing. I’m not gonna lie to you. Not about anything.”

Eddie stilled, taken aback by Richie’s words. Somehow, they made him feel even more comfortable with Richie.

“Why?” he asked.

“I don’t really know,” Richie said.

They sat there in silence for a long time, both letting it sink in.

“You should go,” Richie said in a gentle tone after a while, reminding Eddie that he was still being charged.

“Yeah,” he said.

“Bye cutie.”

The smallest smile formed on Eddie’s lips.

“Bye Richie.”

* * *

“I have an idea.”

It had been over two weeks since that second phone call. Eddie had talked to Richie several more times since, growing closer to him each time. They didn’t go much further than they did that night. Richie would have Eddie imagine them holding hands, kissing lightly, kissing deeply, even cuddling. But they hadn’t gone any further than that and he was feeling pretty ready to move it along.

“What’s your idea?” Eddie said.

Richie sounded pretty hyped up about whatever it was.

“You okay with taking off your shirt?” he asked.

Eddie felt a jolt of excitement, realizing that they might be finally moving along.

“Yeah,” he said, nodding his head. “I am.”

“You sure?” Richie asked.

“No kid gloves,” Eddie replied.

It was a conversation they’d had in the fourth phone call. Eddie told Richie that he was grateful that they were taking it slow but he didn’t want Richie second-guessing him when he felt like he wanted to move to the next step.

“Whatever you say, Eds,” Richie said, backing off immediately.

Eddie felt grateful for it.

“Should I do it now?” he asked.

Once Richie confirmed that he should, he tugged his shirt over his head and sat in the middle of his bed in nothing but a pair of light blue pajama pants, waiting to hear what Richie had in mind.

“I’ve done some research on sexual repression,” Richie said bluntly once Eddie confirmed that his shirt was gone.

The term almost made Eddie flinch, just like it had the first time Richie said it, but they’d agreed to be completely open with it. There was nothing to be ashamed of. Eddie had repeated that to himself many times even when he wasn’t on the phone with Richie. He wasn’t somehow wrong for being afraid of sex or intimacy just like he wasn’t disgusting for wanting it either.

“What did you find?” Eddie asked nervously.

“A few things we can do together,” Richie said, sounding hopeful. “I’m gonna talk you through it, that okay?”

Eddie took a deep breath and let himself calm for a moment before answering.

“Yes.”

“I want you to find a mirror,” Richie said.

Eddie balked at that.

“A-a mirror?” he repeated.

“Yeah, find a mirror and stand in front of it.”

Eddie scanned the room and his eyes fell on the full-length mirror that hung over his closet door. He liked knowing exactly how his clothes looked before he left his apartment so it was a good addition to the room. Very slowly, he slid off of the bed and crossed over to stand in front of it. But he didn’t look, staring down at his feet.

“Okay,” he said warily.

“Are you looking at yourself?” Richie asked.

“No,” Eddie said quietly.

There was a large part of him that really didn’t want to. He was too afraid to confront the fact that he didn’t like what he saw.

“Look, baby,” he encouraged.

Eddie swallowed hard before lifting his eyes slowly. His stomach twisted a little as he took in his reflection.

“You doing it?” Richie asked.

“Yes,” he whispered, still holding the phone to his ear.

“Now you’re gonna tell me something that you see about yourself that you like,” Richie instructed him.

Eddie’s mouth dropped open and he saw his own eyes reflecting surprise back at him.

“Richie…” he said, shaking his head.

“You can do this, Eds. C’mon, tell me one thing.”

Eddie scanned his reflection, taking in every single little detail about himself that he could see. His hair was slightly messy from taking off his shirt. There were bags under his eyes leftover from finals week. There was a scar on his abdomen from getting his appendix taken out three years ago. He had a naturally small, slim figure but a soft tummy.

“I don’t know,” Eddie said, his voice breaking a little as tears filled his eyes.

‘Tell me what you see. Describe yourself for me.”

Eddie didn’t want to do it. He didn’t want Richie to see him like he saw himself.

“My-my hair is longer than it’s been in a while,” he said, trying his best not to let a tear fall. “It’s messy.”

“I bet it’s so soft, Eds. I bet I’d love running my fingers through it. I’d make it even messier. Can you imagine it? How nice it would feel?” Richie asked.

Eddie nodded, rubbing at his eyes to make his tears go away.

“It would feel really good,” he agreed.

“What else?” Richie encouraged him.

“My freckles…” he trailed off, letting his eyes dart over his cheeks and nose. “I went to the park with my friends the other day and we stayed out in the sun for a long time. They’re darker than usual.”

“Sounds pretty,” Richie said approvingly.

Eddie searched for anything else to tell him.

“My skin is soft,” he said, reaching up with his free hand to brush it over his stomach. “It’s always been soft.”

“I’d love running my hands all over you. Your arms, your back, your legs. And I’d kiss all over your throat and your chest, feeling your soft skin underneath my lips. Fuck, Eddie. You’d feel so good.”

Eddie shivered a little at his words.

“Would you like that?” Richie asked.

“I would,” Eddie said.

“Touch yourself, Eds. Touch your throat, stroke your fingers over your chest and your stomach, feel your soft skin.”

Eddie did as he said, letting his fingers brush lightly over his skin from his chin down to his navel, goosebumps erupting in the wake of his touch as he imagined Richie doing it instead.

“You like it, don’t you? You like that it’s all soft?”

“I do,” Eddie nodded.

“See?” Richie said, his voice both triumphant and proud. “Was that so hard?”

“Yes,” he said honestly.

‘I know, baby. But it’s okay to look at yourself and see something good. I want you to love yourself enough to see the good stuff.”

Eddie closed his eyes, letting Richie’s words sink in. He was right. Eddie knew that. He retreated from the mirror, sitting on the edge of the bed on shaking legs.

“I think this was a good idea,” he said quietly.

“Me too,” Richie said, sounding happy that they did it. “Think you can try to do that every day? Or at least a couple times a week?”

Eddie’s eyes opened and he stared at the mirror.

“I can try,” he said.

“Good,” Richie said, and something about his praise made Eddie feel so much better.

* * *

“Am I the weirdest client you’ve ever had?” Eddie asked.

Richie let out a snort on the other end.

“Not by a long shot, cutie.”

Eddie frowned a little.

“How many clients have you had never actually orgasm on the phone with you?” he questioned.

It was easier to talk about. Richie, at Eddie’s request, had started speaking more bluntly and more like himself. Amazingly enough, his never ending supply of dirty jokes and innuendos managed to put Eddie more at ease than he could have expected. It became easier to refer to sex and orgasms and even his own anatomy now that Richie had been unleashed.

“I guess you win that one,” Richie said, music floating over the phone as he spoke with Eddie.

It sounded like it didn’t come from this decade, which didn’t surprise Eddie at all.

“But you’re not the weirdest one,” he said.

“Who beats me?” Eddie demanded to know.

“You really don’t want me to tell you that,” Richie warned him.

“Yes I do.”

“I promise you don’t.”

“Fucking tell me, Richie.”

“One guy, a regular caller for a while, only ever called to hear me piss in a toilet. Came hard every fucking time.”

Eddie stared in horror at his bedroom ceiling, disgust at the mere thought of it sinking in.

“I really didn’t want to know that,” he said.

“I told you,” Richie sang, sounding so blasé about it that Eddie wondered if anything really surprised him anymore.

* * *

“Tell me about your mom,” Richie said one day as Eddie kept him on speaker while he worked on a paper for his anatomy class.

Of course Richie had no shortage of jokes to go with that particular subject, telling him all about how he could teach Eddie everything he needed to know about anatomy, including some completely false yet interesting anatomical terms that had Eddie laughing until his stomach ached.

“Why?” Eddie said quietly.

“Because I think you need to,” Richie told him.

He had guessed early on that Sonia Kaspbrak was the one to make Eddie so afraid of his own sexuality. Richie kept his jokes about Eddie’s mom to a minimum but they slipped out every once in a while. He apologized at first until Eddie reminded him of the kid gloves clause and Richie stopped worrying about it as much.

“You know most of it,” he said.

“Do I?” Richie asked.

No, he didn’t.

“She made me think I was sick,” Eddie said, setting down his pencil.

“I know about that,” Richie said.

“No,” he said. “You really don’t.”

That was how Richie learned about Munchausen syndrome by proxy and how it could affect the child in the situation. Eddie didn’t pull his punches, giving Richie details and telling him about the placebos and the doctor visits. All the times he missed school. All the lectures about cleanliness. Everything leading up to his mother finding out that he was gay and sobbing and wailing for days, guilting him for being dirty and sick and vile. Begging him to let her fix him. Trying to send him away to a conversion camp three states away where his friends couldn’t help him. _That was the final straw_ , Eddie told Richie. _That was when I left_. He hadn’t seen his mother in years. Yet she still left her mark on him. He was still struggling to overcome her conditioning.

“I’m sorry, baby,” Richie murmured over the phone as tears slipped down Eddie’s cheeks. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Eddie said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I have you.”

* * *

Everything was different now. It had been a full two months to the day since Eddie first called the hotline. He was holding the phone to his ear and listening to it ring, waiting with a racing heart for Richie to answer. This time they weren’t calling through the hotline. There would be no Tracy to connect them or money exchanged. This was new. It was intimate. Eddie felt giddy and terrified all at once because this was crossing a line into something he yet to experience. But it felt like a natural progression.

This was the night that he would finally ask Richie for more.

“Richie Tozier speaking, how may I help you?” his voice came over the line, sounding deceitfully professional.

“Nice try,” Eddie said in a deadpan voice.

“My man has called me!” Richie gasped, using the southern belle accent yet again. “Oh my stars and garters! My family is saved! I gotta tell Papa! Oh Mama is gonna be so pleased! Do you think we can have a June wedding?”

“Fucking hell, Richie!” Eddie said, almost laughing too hard to talk. “Do you ever fucking stop?”

Richie laughed from the other end as well.

“You know I don’t,” he said. “It’s why you love me.”

Eddie hated that his heart fluttered and his face grew warm at his words. He waited for Richie to get in a few more laughs before sighing heavily, signalling that he was ready to move on with the conversation.

“To what do I owe this lovely phone date with the exquisite Edward Kaspbrak?” Richie said.

Eddie licked at his lips, shifting a little where he was lying back on his bed.

“I think I’m ready, Richie,” he said, proud that his voice was just a little bit shaky.

A long stretch of silence from the other end was his own answer for a few moments.

“Fuck,” Richie finally said, sounding both hesitant and excited. “I know you hate when I ask but I have to, Eds. You know I do.”

“I’m sure,” Eddie said before he could, laying a hand over his bare abdomen.

He really was.

“Where are you?” Richie asked, his voice lowering and sounding just a little more husky.

“Laying on my bed,” Eddie said, already feeling a little shaky. “I’m just wearing boxers.”

“And you probably look so good. I bet you’re already flushing, huh?”

Eddie hummed in acknowledgement, running his fingers over his stomach lightly.

“What do you want me to do?” he asked.

“Everything, baby. I want you to do everything,” Richie told him, always so honest. “Let’s start with your lips.”

Eddie’s hand lifted, his thumb brushing over his lips.

“I want you to kiss me,” he said daringly.

“You know I do too. Love those pretty lips, Eds.”

He traced his lips, closing his eyes and pretending that he could feel Richie kissing him.

“What next?” Eddie breathed out.

“Put the phone on speaker if you can,” Richie said, his voice almost thrilling with desire. “You’re gonna need two hands.”

Eddie was never more grateful for Bill’s new boyfriend than he was right now. He was out most of the time and, even though Eddie had never met Stan, he could have given the other man a hug for keeping his roommate busy so much. He pressed the speaker button and laid the phone on the bed beside him.

“It’s on speaker,” he said, waiting to hear what Richie would say.

“Good,” he said approvingly. “I want you to touch your chest. Stroke your soft skin for me, Eddie. Love the way it feels.”

Eddie did just that. Not only had he started to love the way his skin felt, he had started to go out of his way to make it even softer. There was a part of him that used to hate how it felt. It only affirmed what he thought of himself. He wasn’t normal. It wasn’t right for a man to be so soft. But this was just how he was and Eddie had slowly started to love it, taking care of his skin with lotion and moisturizing it on a nightly basis. It made him feel good. Richie told him that was the point. Eddie knew now that it was okay to do that kind of stuff, something he’d never be able to admit even just a few months ago.

“It feels so soft, Rich,” Eddie said, feeling his skin under his touch.

“I want you to do something new. Think you can do that for me?”

“Mm-hm,” Eddie said, feeling anticipation rise in his chest.

“Touch your nipples.”

It caught him off guard and Eddie steeled himself, waiting for his stomach to churn or his skin to crawl. But all he felt was heat because he knew that Richie was imagining him doing this. He had long ago learned that this wasn’t one-sided. Richie was just as affected as Eddie and, as he finally fessed up to a month ago, he’d actually gotten off to thoughts of touching. Somehow, that made it all feel more natural to Eddie, just like he wanted.

“I’ve never done that,” Eddie said, hesitating.

“It’ll feel good, baby. Imagine me doing it. Stroking and pinching and teasing your nipples. Maybe even using my lips and my tongue.”

Eddie lifted his hand slowly, brushing his thumb over his nipple. The spark of pleasure there took him by surprise and he did it again, letting out a soft sigh.

“Feels nice,” he said, doing the same to the other nipple. “I didn’t know…”

“Shhh, just focus on how good it feels,” Richie urged him.

Eddie did just that, closing his eyes as he stroked and pinched just like Richie told him to. Even the slight sting of pain there made heat pool in his lower belly as his cock started to grow hard. Eddie bit down on his lower lip, tossing his head back.

“I want more,” he said, his voice almost unrecognizable to his ears.

“Yeah? You want me to touch you somewhere else? Tell me where,” Richie said.

Eddie swallowed hard and rubbed his thighs together, feeling desperate for friction. It was new and scary and exciting all at once.

“I want your hand on my… my…” he tried to say it but he felt like it was too much right now.

“Your cock?” Richie said hoarsely.

Eddie’s hips lifted off the bed just a little bit as heat coursed through him.

“Yeah,” he said, nodding his head. “Please, I want it, Richie.”

“Do it, Eds. Show me where you want my hands.”

“My boxers,” Eddie panted out.

“Take them off.”

He didn’t even think before doing it, pushing them down his hips and kicking them away as his erection sprung free. Eddie wasn’t aware of anything else. The entire room could have collapsed around him and all that would have mattered was Richie. There was no voice in his head or feelings of guilt or shame. He just wanted more.

“Are you hard?” Richie asked.

“Yes,” Eddie nodded, his entire body trembling at this point.

“Fuck, me too, baby. I’m so hard just thinking about you all naked and flushed and ready for me to touch your pretty cock.”

Eddie whined low in his throat, fisting his hands in the covers beneath him as his hips thrust into the air.

“Tell me what to do, Richie, please,” he begged.

“Touch yourself, Eddie. Wrap your hand around and stroke yourself slowly. Close your eyes and think of my hand there, my thumb teasing at your slit. My lips at your throat making all sorts of marks and pulling sounds from you that you didn’t even think you were capable of making.”

Eddie wrapped his hand around the base of his cock, stroking himself slowly. A groan slipped from his lips and he did it again, brushing his thumb over the tip like Richie said. It was so good. It felt right. The tight coil in his lower belly grew even hotter as he jacked himself off with Richie’s voice in his ear telling him how good he was, how pretty, how amazing. Eddie wasn’t going to last long but he didn’t care. This was the first time he’d ever actually felt like this was right. Like his body and his desires weren’t something to be ashamed of.

“Richie,” he whimpered out.

“I’m right here, Eddie. I’m not going anywhere,” Richie said soothingly and Eddie nodded, knowing that he meant it.

“Feels… feels good,” he managed, moving his hand a little quicker. “So good. So right.”

“I want you to do something else for me, baby boy. I want you to spread your legs nice and wide.”

Eddie slowly let his thighs fall apart, feeling exposed yet perfectly comfortable as he spread his legs.

“You do it?” Richie asked.

“Yeah,” he said breathlessly.

“Can you use your other hand? I want you to stroke your tight little hole for me.”

Eddie’s breath left his chest in a rush at the thought of it and the slightest tendril of panic wrapped around his heart.

“Richie, I… I don’t…”

“Shhh, it’s okay if you don’t want to.”

Eddie thought about it, knowing that Richie wouldn’t make him do anything bad or wrong. He wanted to take care of Eddie. He had said that time and time again.

“I’ll try,” he finally decided.

“You’re so good, baby,” Richie praised. “So brave.”

Eddie flushed even more at his words as he slowly snaked his hand down his abdomen, still stroking his cock as he moved past his balls and hesitantly pressed his forefinger to his hole. It felt strange, almost foreign. He wasn’t sure what it was supposed to feel like.

“What do I do?” he asked, his voice a little strained.

“Fuck, Eds. You’re doing so good for me. Just move your finger in little circles. You don’t have to do anything else.”

Eddie did just that, stroking around his hole as he stroked himself quickly.

“How does it feel?” Richie asked.

“Weird,” Eddie admitted, adjusting his hips a little. “Not bad, just…”

“New,” Richie supplied for him.

“Really new,” Eddie agreed.

He could hear Richie’s labored breathing and, with a gasp of pleasure at the heat that shot straight to his groan, he realized that Richie was probably stroking himself too.

“Move your hand faster, baby. Imagine it’s me stroking your cock. Maybe even licking the tip with my tongue. Imagine me looking up at you.”

Eddie squeezed his eyes shut, seeing a pair of dark eyes staring up at him as a tongue ran over the tip of his cock. The moan he let out was loud and uninhibited.

“Yeah, that’s it Eddie. You want me to make you come?”

“Yes,” Eddie gasped, his hips thrusting up into his hands.

He didn’t know when it started to feel good but the combined friction on his cock and the feeling of his finger circling his hole was making him feel closer and closer to the edge.

“I’m… I’m close,” he breathed out.

“C’mon, baby boy. I know you can do it. Come for me. Let me hear you,” Richie encouraged him.

The room felt ten degrees hotter than usual as Eddie breathed out Richie’s name like a mantra, digging his heels into the mattress beneath him as he pumped his cock and pressed his finger right against his fluttering hole. Then he was coming with a shouted “fuck!” as come painted his belly. His orgasm was intense, rolling over him in heavy waves that left him shaking and sweaty on the mattress as he stroked himself through it. Then his hand dropped to the bed and Eddie’s chest rose and fell quickly as he laid there with his eyes closed, basking in the aftermath of the best orgasm he’d ever had.

“Holy shit,” Richie said from the other end of the phone.

Eddie smiled just a little.

“That was amazing,” he managed to say.

“No fucking kidding,” Richie said, sounding breathless himself. “Jesus, Eds. Those little noises you make… I don’t think I’ve ever come that hard.”

Eddie turned his head towards the phone, frowning a little.

“Really?” he said.

“Would I ever lie to you?” Richie replied.

He knew the answer.

* * *

“Bill, are you sure about this?”

Eddie wasn’t ashamed to admit that he was dragging his feet. He hadn’t even met the guy that Bill had spent the last several months flirting with, rather shamelessly if he was to be believed. To be fair, Eddie hadn’t met his own crush but Bill barely knew anything about that so it really didn’t matter right now.

“Stan invited me and t-t-told me to bring some friends,” Bill said, leading them down the sidewalk towards the bar that was their destination. “He said that he’s bringing friends too so it w-would be weird if I didn’t.”

Mike and Ben both shrugged when Eddie threw them a look.

“Makes sense,” Ben said, supportive as always.

Eddie didn’t say it aloud, but he really wasn’t looking forward to spending a night with strangers. Especially when all he wanted to do was be at home on the phone with Richie. He didn’t even know if Richie was available but he hadn’t failed to answer a call from Eddie since they exchanged actual numbers and stopped communicating through the hotline. Even though he didn’t want to be there, he sealed his mouth shut because he knew it was important to Bill. He seemed really serious about this Stan guy and if a night with friends could help make him happy, Eddie was willing to do it.

“You’re buying me a drink,” he grumbled, mostly teasing.

Bill slowed down a little and tossed an arm over Eddie’s shoulders, giving him a sideways hug.

“I’ll buy you two,” he promised.

Eddie let a small smile tug at his lips.

“Deal,” he said.

They reached the bar mere moments later and Bill’s arm disappeared from Eddie’s shoulders as he darted forward to open the door for them all. Eddie stepped inside and immediately felt accosted by loud music and even louder conversation.

“He said he’d m-meet me by the bar,” Bill said.

“Lead the way,” Mike said, nodding at him.

Bill’s mood could only be described as giddy as he led them through the crowd of people trying to enjoy themselves on a Saturday night. Eddie couldn’t quite help but scowl all around them, wondering why they all had to take up so much space. He was walking between Ben and Mike, knowing that they positioned themselves that way so he wouldn’t get lost. As much as he hated to admit it, his height made it more likely than not. When they reached the bar, Bill guided them directly towards a tall man about their age with curly hair and a serious face. But his lips twitched into a smile as soon as he saw Bill and suddenly he looked warm, reaching out to take Bill’s hand.

As he whispered something in the ear of Eddie’s friend, Bill grinned and Stan smiled a little wider. That was enough for him. If Bill was happy, he was happy. Even in an overcrowded bar with the smell of stale beer and crushed peanuts in the air. Then a voice rose up from behind Stan and Eddie’s heart stuttered in his chest for just a moment. It was impossible not to recognize the voice that he’d been hearing on a consistent basis over the past few months. The hint of huskiness. The near-constant undercurrent of amusement. The boisterous volume.

“Staniel! Introduce us to your beau, would ya?”

Eddie’s eyes moved past everyone to the man who stood behind him. He was a few inches taller than Stan and about even with Bill. There was a redhead girl at his side that was quite a bit shorter than him with a wide smile on her face as she stuck her hand out to shake Bill’s but Eddie barely paid her any mind. All that he could see was _him_. His dark hair was filled with wild curls and he wore black, thick-framed glasses. It was hard to see in the low light of the bar but Eddie could swear that there were freckles on his nose and cheeks and that his eyes were dark brown, almost black. His worn leather jacket and ripped jeans all fit him perfect and he looked like everything that Eddie imagined and more.

“... don’t have to listen to half of what he says,” Stan was in the middle of introducing him. “Richie’ll talk a lot of shit. You can ignore him if you want.”

Eddie’s entire body jolted at the sound of his name. What were the odds of this happening? They had to be infinitesimal. Yet here they were.

“Stan the Man here is just putting on a show,” Richie said, wrapping an arm around Stan’s waist to press a kiss to his cheek. “He loves me.”

Richie’s eyes started to slide away from Bill and towards the rest of the them. Eddie took an automatic step back without thinking, turning his head away before Richie’s eyes could meet his.

“You okay?” Mike said, noticing his retreat.

Eddie looked up at him, shaking his head.

“I, um…” he trailed off, _feeling_ his eyes on him.

He tried not to look. He really did. But it was far too tempting to briefly glance his way. Sure enough, Richie was staring at him with a slight furrow in his brow, his mouth sealed closed for once as he looked at Eddie like he was trying to figure it all out.

“I have to go,” Eddie whispered, making sure his voice was quiet enough that only Mike could hear him. “I need air.”

He spun away before Mike could say a word, pushing his way back through the crowd to the door. It was hard work to get there but he finally managed to stagger out onto the street. Tilting his head back, Eddie inhaled the cool night air and let it calm his shaking body as he ignored everyone else around him. Inside, Bill was turning around to introduce his own friends only to find one of the three missing.

“Where’s Eddie?” he asked with a frown, looking between Mike and Ben.

Before either of them could answer, realization struck Richie.

“Shit!” he said, practically throwing himself forward.

The other five all looked on, feeling somewhat bewildered as Richie took off in the same direction as Eddie. He managed to make it outside just as Eddie began walking down the street. He had no idea where he was going. Only that he needed some distance to keep from totally freaking out.

“Hey!”

That familiar voice rang out from behind him and Eddie stopped in place, his eyes wide and his hands balling into fists at his side. He didn’t count on Richie figuring it out. At least not that fast. He debated continuing on but there was barely a crowd on the sidewalk and Eddie knew that Richie’s longer legs would probably catch up to him in no time. So he decided to face the inevitable and slowly turned around, tilting his head up to meet the gaze that he’d been dreaming about since that first phone call. Richie had stopped a few feet away from him. His eyes darted all over Eddie’s face for several long moments before fixing on Eddie’s eyes.

“Holy fuck,” Richie breathed out, running a hand through his already messy hair. “It’s really you.”

Eddie could have easily said the same. He took a hesitant step forward, feeling braver now than he had before in the bar.

“Hi,” he said quietly, wondering if Richie even heard him.

When a smile broke out on the other man’s face, bright and beautiful and real, Eddie felt warm all over and couldn’t help but smile in return.

“You’re fucking gorgeous,” Richie said, closing more of the gap between them. “You never told me that.”

Eddie knew that he was blushing.

“It would be pretty self-centered of me if I said that,” he said.

“Well you’ve earned it, baby,” Richie said, his eyes roving over Eddie completely.

Warmth turned to heat as every word of every conversation they’d had came flooding back. It was almost impossible, figuring out what to do now. There was very little they hadn’t talked about over the phone but now that they were face to face, Eddie had no idea what to do or say. There was so much that he wanted but the tiniest fear crept into his chest that he wasn’t ready or that he wasn’t good enough. Richie was more than beautiful. His high cheekbones and dark eyes and lovely pink lips were everything that Eddie could have imagined and more. He was intimidating and yet familiar all at once.

Then Richie stepped forward, closing the last of the distance between them as he slowly lifted his hand. When his fingertips barely brushed over his cheek, Eddie’s eyes fluttered closed and he remembered that second conversation. It had been the first time Richie talked him through anything remotely physical. It was extremely tame compared to some of the stuff they got up to later. In a hushed, gentle voice, he told Eddie to imagine him touching him just like this. Softly. Slowly. Eddie let himself relax into the touch, tilting his head towards Richie’s hand as his fingers stroked his jaw. Then his thumb brushed over his lower lip and Eddie gasped a little, his lips parting beneath Richie’s touch.

“Fuck, I want to kiss you,” Richie said in a low, thrilling voice.

Eddie could feel warmth radiating off of him as they stood on that sidewalk, as close as they could get without completely wrapping around one another. He tilted his head up and opened his eyes, staring into Richie’s dark, wanting gaze.

“Please,” he murmured as Richie lifted his other hand to stroke through Eddie’s hair.

“What do you want, Eddie?”

Hearing his name on Richie’s lips for the first time in person alone was enough to make his knees feel weak.

“Kiss me,” Eddie said, reaching up to curl his fingers into Richie’s t-shirt. “I want you to-”

He didn’t get to say the rest. Richie’s lips brushed over his gently, letting them both get used to the feeling. Eddie felt like he could melt into the taller man right then and there. He pushed up on his toes and inadvertently pressed their lips more firmly together, pulling a groan from deep in Richie’s chest that made warm shivers run down his spine. All that Eddie knew was that he wanted more. In spite of their many conversations, he felt inexperienced all over again. It was only when Richie dropped his hand and pulled him closer by his hip that Eddie followed his instincts and pulled away a tiny bit only to part his lips and brush his tongue tentatively over Richie’s bottom lip.

“Fuck,” Richie’s curse was muffled against Eddie’s lips.

Then he was kissing him fully, nipping at his lips and kissing him like he was starving for more. Eddie opened his mouth to him, letting out a soft whimper when their tongues brushed. He had never felt quite like this. It was like his body was floating in the air yet Richie grounded him at the same time, keeping him close to his chest as they kissed again and again. The entire world faded away and there might as well have been a stampede of elephants on the street for all they knew.

It wasn’t until someone cleared their throat loudly behind Richie that they broke apart, lips swollen and red and cheeks flushed. Eddie sunk his teeth into his lower lip, knowing exactly who would be standing there. Richie’s eyes followed the motion and he looked like he wanted nothing more than to kiss Eddie again. Or maybe even do more. The thought made warmth rush to Eddie’s lower belly and he gripped Richie’s t-shirt tighter, trying to keep a hold on his own libido.

“I-is there something you want to t-tell us?”

Richie finally turned and looked over his shoulder, leaning just enough to the side so that Eddie could see past him at their friends all standing there. Bill and Stan were holding hands and both looking at them with raised eyebrows. The others were staring at them with a mix of wide-eyed curiosity and amusement. Eddie fought the urge to hide his face in Richie’s shoulder, feeling embarrassed that he’d been caught.

“What? You’re the only one allowed to have a hottie on your arm?” Richie said, shrugging one shoulder shamelessly.

Eddie tried and failed not to smile as Richie’s arm slid around his shoulders. It was far more intimate with him than with Bill and he welcomed the proximity.

“How do you two even know each other?” the girl asked.

Judging by what Eddie knew of Richie’s life, he assumed that she had to be the infamous Beverly who participated in my many of Richie’s shenanigans. She definitely fit the person that Eddie imagined. Richie opened his mouth to answer her but Eddie beat him to it.

“It’s a long story,” Eddie said, hoping to God that he wasn’t actually about to spill how they met.

He definitely wasn’t ready for that. Maybe later, but not now.

“You could almost say that he’s the voice of my dreams,” Richie said with a smirk.

Eddie dug his elbow into Richie’s side and earned a bark of laughter and a kiss to his temple.

“It’s been a long ti-time since Eddie’s been with anyone,” Bill said, his eyes fixed on Richie.

It was impossible not to hear the hint of protectiveness in his voice. Maybe he knew more than he let on about the truth behind Eddie’s aversion to relationships. Eddie certainly wouldn’t be surprised.

“It’s okay, Bill,” he said, looking at his oldest friend with a serious expression. “He’s good.”

Bill stared at him for a long second before nodding, accepting his words.

“It’s nice to meet you,” he said to Richie, who nodded and returned the sentiment.

“We should get back inside,” Stan said, tilting his head towards the bar.

Eddie felt the slightest disappointment that he could see reflected in Richie’s eyes when their gazes met.

“We have to go,” he said, knowing that they couldn’t ditch their friends even though something monumental had happened.

Richie sighed heavily and nodded, reaching up to stroke a thumb over Eddie’s cheek.

“Then I’m getting you all to myself,” he said, the words sounding like a promise.

A thrill of anticipation and desire coursed through Eddie and he nodded, licking at his lips as he remembered just how amazing the kiss was. If something that simple could be so good, what did the rest feel like?

“I’m gonna hold you to that,” he warned Richie.

“Good.”

With that, they followed the rest of their friends back into the bar.

* * *

Eddie had no idea what to expect. It had been Richie’s idea to for them to go to his small studio apartment since he didn’t share with anyone. Now that they were standing outside of the door, he felt jittery and anxious, yet somehow calm because this was Richie and he knew that he had nothing to worry about.

“You good?” Richie asked as he turned the key in the lock.

“Yeah,” Eddie said, though he could hear how off his voice sounded.

Richie paused, turning to look at him.

“No lies,” he said.

Eddie shook his head.

“I’m okay,” he said, sounding a little more certain. “It’s just… new.”

That was enough for Richie, who nodded once.

“Nothing is going to happen that you don’t want,” he reminded Eddie.

“I know.”

With that, Richie pushed the door open and they stepped inside. It was a lot messier than any apartment Eddie had been in, but not in a particularly bad way. There were random posters on walls, some hanging crookedly. Papers and other random objects were scattered across a desk and a coffee table and the covers on Richie’s bed were messy and tangled. Eddie swallowed hard at the sight of the bed, wondering if that was where Richie had touched himself during the many heated conversations they had since that first time Richie talked him through an orgasm.

“Welcome to Casa de Tozier,” Richie said, closing and locking the door behind him. “Feel free to make yourself as comfortable as you want.”

Eddie slipped his jacket off his shoulders, turning to face him.

“Can you believe this?” he said, letting Richie take his jacket off. “That we’re really here?”

Richie shook his head, hanging them both up on a coat rack.

“I keep thinking you’ll disappear,” he said, stepping closer to Eddie.

He lifted his hands, cupping Eddie’s face.

“Goddamn,” Richie said, shaking his head.

“What?” Eddie said, his cheeks coloring under his close scrutiny.

“You’re just as fucking adorable as I knew you’d be since that first phone call,” he said.

Eddie huffed, trying his best not to smile.

“And you’re just as ridiculous,” he mumbled.

“Not ridiculous,” Richie said, bending down to press a soft kiss to his lips. “Honest.”

“Blind,” Eddie challenged.

“Not at all,” Richie said, pulling away to look at him again. “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. That’s just the fucking truth, Eddie Spaghetti.”

A laugh bubbled up in his throat before he could contain it.

“That nickname is even worse in person,” Eddie said through his laughter.

Richie grinned at him.

“Well if it makes you laugh like that, cutie, I’ll say pretty much anything.”

The words brought Eddie back to that very first conversation. Richie had somehow known just how to put him at ease then, just how he did now.

“You’re…” Eddie trailed off, trying to find the right word.

“Devilishly handsome? Incredibly attractive? Amazingly clever?”

Eddie shook his head, fighting a smile again.

“Everything,” he finally said, watching Richie blink in surprise. “You’re everything.”

“Eds,” Richie said softly, looking as though he was having a hard time believing that.

Eddie hushed him with a soft kiss, loving how natural it felt. He was ready. This was the culmination of everything that had happened over the past several months. Eddie knew that now. Even if they didn’t meet by chance through friends, they would have met sometime. It was just supposed to happen. He didn’t feel disgusted with himself for wanting to feel Richie to touch him and kiss him everywhere. All he wanted was more. It was selfish and yet it was good. It was intimate and beautiful.

“Touch me,” Eddie said, tugging him back towards the bed.

“It would be my absolute pleasure,” Richie said, tugging Eddie’s sweater over his head.

They both silently agreed to have nothing between them anymore, tossing and kicking their clothes away without a second thought. Eddie didn’t feel ashamed when Richie’s eyes slowly ran over him because he was doing the same, his body shaking with anticipation as he reached out and took Richie’s hand, squeezing it lightly. Then they were kissing and it was different than before. Their lips pressed together firmly and their teeth clashed as they desperately tried to get as close as possible. Eddie cried out when Richie’s cock bumped against his own and the other man moved his hips sinfully for a time before pulling away, leaving Eddie feeling cold.

It didn’t last long.

Richie shimmied down the bed and took Eddie in hand, stroking him slowly just like he wanted to do all those weeks ago, gathering the wetness from the tip on his thumb before licking it away as Eddie moaned. When he licked up the length of him before closing his lips around the tip, Eddie’s hands delved into his hair and he tossed his head back, trying his best not to thrust upward. It felt so good, so right, that Eddie couldn’t imagine anything about this being vile or disgusting. He found himself on the brink when Richie took him deep in his throat and hummed, pleading with Richie not to let him finish now. He wasn’t ready. He wanted more. Richie obliged, pulling away to retrieve lube and a condom from his nightstand. Eddie stared at it all with wide eyes, realizing the next logical step in this situation.

“What do you want, baby?” Richie asked, sitting in front of him and stroking his cheek. “Just tell me and I’ll do it.”

Eddie looked into his eyes and felt unerring trust fill his entire body.

“Talk to me,” Eddie said, climbing into his lap. “I like when you talk to me.”

Richie smiled, nodding his head before brushing a kiss over his lips.

“You’re so beautiful, Eds,” he said, stroking his hands through his hair. “Your hair is fucking magnificent. I love the curls and how thick it is. And your eyes… fuck, baby. Your eyes are so expressive. There’s a whole world in your goddamn eyes and I want to get lost in them over and over again.”

Eddie felt himself relaxing, clutching at Richie’s shoulders as he talked.

“Your freckles are gorgeous. I love the ones on your nose and your cheeks and even the ones on your lip, right here,” Richie’s finger brushed over his lips.

“I like yours too,” Eddie managed to say, luxuriating in the feeling of Richie’s other hand stroking at his spine.

Richie grinned at him, looking fairly pleased with that.

“Those lips, don’t even get me started or I’ll never stop. I could kiss them forever and ever and never get tired. They’re so warm and soft and…” he trailed off, shaking his head. “And that ass, Eddie Kaspbrak. I can’t get enough of that ass.”

He smacked it lightly and Eddie giggled, leaning in to press a kiss to the corner of Richie’s mouth. It was the perfect light moment in the middle of all the intensity.

“Your skin is so nice, baby boy. So pretty and soft and… you fucking glow, Eds.”

“Because of you,” Eddie said, stroking his fingers through Richie’s wild curls. “I have you.”

“Yeah you do,” Richie said, nodding his head.

They kissed again, slowly and passionately. It was everything Eddie imagined it would be and more. Richie kissed like he was the answer to everything. Like he’d been searching and searching and now that Eddie was in his arms, there was nothing left for him to find because it was all right there.

“How are you doing?” Richie asked, pulling away just a little to look into his eyes.

Eddie nodded at him.

“I’m good,” he said, lifting his hand to press it over Richie’s cheek. “I’m ready.”

Richie pressed another soft kiss to his lips before laying him back on the bed. Then he reached for the lube and Eddie didn’t feel anxious at all at the sound of it uncapping. He simply watched the concentration in Richie’s face and the cute line that formed between his brows as he poured some out on his fingers and rubbed them together to let it warm. Then he was focused on Eddie again, stroking a hand over his cheek as he nudged his thighs apart. Eddie let them spread without resisting, biting down on his lower lip.

“Let me know if you want me to stop,” Richie said.

“Please don’t,” Eddie told him.

He tensed a little at the first finger that circled his hole but closed his eyes and forced himself to relax. Richie praised him with a soft “good” before simply stroking around the hole in slow circles. It was much better than when Eddie did it to himself, somehow making him desperate for more. Richie seemed to know exactly what he wanted, slowly sliding his finger in as Eddie let out a keening noise and arched his back. It was intense and strange and sort of uncomfortable yet he didn’t want it to end. Richie let him grow used to the feeling, stroking his finger in and out and crooking it every once in a while. Then he pressed in a second and Eddie’s sharp intake of breath almost made him stop.

“Don’t you dare,” he said.

Richie didn’t argue with him, moving even more gently and slowly now that he was stretching him a little more. Eddie relaxed as he scissored the fingers and let him grow used to the feeling of it all. After a while, it felt less like an intrusion and more like it was meant to happen. He was more ready for the three fingers, nodding at Richie with burning eyes and a hard, leaking cock trapped against his belly as he started rocking and thrusting his hips against his hand.

“So good for me,” Richie murmured, making Eddie’s chest and face warm. “So fucking beautiful like this.”

“Please, Ri… Ri…” Eddie stammered, clutching at his wrist as he crooked his fingers, searching for something. “Need more, Chee.”

He let out a cry of pleasure when Richie’s fingers brushed over something inside of him, arching his back. Richie grinned, stretching him out with the three fingers for a few more moments before pulling them out, leaving Eddie feeling empty.

“You ready?” he asked.

Eddie nodded quickly, resisting the temptation to stroke his aching cock as Richie slid on the condom and coated his cock with lube. Then he was lying in the cradle of Eddie’s hips, kissing him slowly as he pressed in, Eddie whimpered against his mouth, feeling the burn and stretch along with the amazing sensation of being filled so completely that it knitted part of him together that he didn’t know was split open. It felt so right, so good. It had to be Richie. He knew that now. No one else could have gotten him here. No one else could have taken this journey with him.

“Thank you,” Eddie whispered as Richie stilled, letting him adjust.

“For what?” Richie asked, almost laughing at his words.

Eddie looked up at him, stroking his fingers over his brow and down his cheek.

“For giving me you,” he said, the words as honest as he could get.

Richie’s face was full of emotion, one of them stronger than the others. Eddie knew what he felt in that moment because he was feeling it too. But they weren’t ready so Richie ducked his head to kiss him as he began rocking into him, keeping a slow and steady pace to let Eddie get used to the feeling. It didn’t take long for the slight pain to give way to pleasure. He found himself meeting Richie thrust for thrust, frustrated at the lack of friction his cock was experiencing until Richie wrapped his hand around it and began stroking him quickly as he kept his hips moving in rolling, gentle motions that were driving Eddie crazy.

“I need everything, Chee,” he pleaded.

“I got you, baby boy,” Richie said, brushing a kiss over his temple. “I’ll take care of you.”

Eddie knew that he would. As his pace sped up, he adjusted his position and the head of his cock brushed his prostate every few thrusts. The noises slipping from his mouth dissolved into little grunts and moans and cries until he was coming hard, his body taut as a bowstring as Eddie clenched around Richie’s cock and buried his face in his shoulder. It didn’t take long for Richie to follow, spilling into the condom as he rode through his orgasm before pulling out slowly, not wanting to hurt him. Once he had them cleaned up, Eddie found himself splayed across his chest listening to his heartbeat.

“I have news,” Richie said after a while as they dozed lazily, both too tired to do much but lay with their arms wrapped around one another. “I got a job at a radio station. I’ll have my own show two nights a week to start with.”

Eddie lifted his head, looking up at Richie with a wide smile.

“That’s great,” he said, settling his chin on his chest.

“I hope so,” Richie said, looking as though he was trying to restrain his own excitement. “I’ll miss working at that old hotline though.”

Eddie wrinkled his nose.

“Even the guy who made you piss where he could hear?” he said, unable to forget that particular gem.

Richie laughed aloud, shaking his head.

“No, not that guy,” he said. “But not all of it was bad. You see, there was this cutie that called in one day and the first thing he asked was how I was doing.”

Richie clicked his tongue as Eddie’s cheeks flushed and his smile grew.

“Sounds like a weirdo,” Eddie said.

“Nah,” Richie said, reaching up to stroke his thumb over Eddie’s cheek. “I’m pretty sure I’m gonna keep him around for a while.”

Eddie felt warm all over as he leaned up to kiss Richie.

“I think he’s probably okay with that,” he whispered against his lips.

“Good,” Richie said, pulling him in closer for another kiss. “Cause one day I’m gonna tell him that I love him and I really need him to be there for that.”

Eddie’s heart skipped and his stomach fluttered but none of it was bad.

Everything was good.

Everything was perfect.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think. I need reviews to restore my energy.


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